Friday, November 5, 2010

Maybe Mayo . . .

and not the type that comes in a jar, but the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.

Many of you have been so very kind to inquire about the current status of my eyes.  You may have noticed that I mostly ignored those questions, or said very little.  It is partly because there are not many answers right now, and  partly because I continue to be in denial about some things.

Recent CT scans and appointments with specialists have not been encouraging.
The optic muscles and tissues are continuing to swell and enlarge, possibly creating new problems and worsening the double vision.  I now experience double vision most of the time.  With great effort and concentration, I am able to sometimes focus well enough to type and read.  For that small blessing I am extremely grateful.
I have been able to do some machine sewing, but my eyes, head and neck become very tired.
I have also tried smocking.  That actually went better than expected -- as long as I don't stick the needle in my eye or nose!  I have to hold the stitching only inches away from the wonky eyeballs in order to focus and see.  We are in the process of moving computers.  I find it easier to use a laptop, as the screen adjusts more easily for viewing.  However, being technically challenged, we have not figured out an easy way to download photographs from my camera to my laptop.  Thus, the shortage of recent photographs here.  I will keep working on that, or maybe ask Santa for an upgrade!

When I first began this journey, my surgeon promised he would do all he could to prevent complete loss of vision. 
He was successful in that endeavor.  I can see, it is just in a different, and often perplexing, manner.

There remains much for which I am thankful.  There are also times when anger creeps in.  Tears are frequent.  Doors have been slammed, and temper tantrums have been thrown.  Then, I calm down and reach for the nearest piece of chocolate!

One of the most difficult aspects for me is the variance in suggestions from my many doctors.  Some say to patch an eye.  Others say to refrain from patching.  Some suggest warm compresses.  Others suggest cold.  If  two would agree on just one thing, I would be a happy girl!

During my last doctor's visit, we were given the option of visiting other specialists around the country.  At this time, my records are being gathered and transferred to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.
My husband is actually rather excited about the prospect of appointments there.  Both his mother and father had  professional ties with the clinic.  In our attic, are dusty autographed photographs of the Mayo brothers themselves, as well as other gatherings and events involving medical professionals from the clinic.  My husband spent many childhood summers in Rochester.  He is looking forward to taking a trip back in time.  I am looking forward to moving ahead.  I am not looking forward to visiting Minnesota in the dead of winter.  My deepest apology to dear Minnesota friends!

As I recently shared with a very special group of prayer warriors, I no longer ask that my eyes be healed.  Instead, I pray for the grace to accept my current vision and the life changes it brings.
I continue to be so very richly blessed.
Thank you for caring.

22 comments:

Martha said...

HUGS HUGS HUGS, wish there were more I could do. Prayers continue dear friend.

Laurie said...

Your blog is always a blessing to read, and God is going to bless you in a special way for being a blessing to others! Hugs and Prayers!

Ariadone said...

Dear friend, Then let me pray with you. I can understand how emotional this process is, is it the worst for you who love these beautiful crafts so much...You must also consider studying braille while you still have sight and make adjudgements in your home, like in your kitchen....My dearest sister Marjoke is still in denial...each year she still finds to have some light she takes a deep deep breath and refusing to give in.
Much courage, my friend.
Lieve groeten
Godeliva van Ariadone

Jeannie B. said...

My love and prayers for you dear jan.

Robin Hart said...

Many hugs and prayers to you. This may be a time to buy new clothes...

Piper said...

Oh, I wish I could hug you when you are upset and laugh with you when you are content. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and will be hoping this will be a very fruitful trip to the Mayo Clinic.

Claudia said...

Dear Jan, I so wish for your healing. I can't imagine how I would cope with all of this. I suspect not nearly as well as you are. Of course you are angry and frustrated at times.

Perhaps this trip to the Mayo Clinic will start something fresh and new in terms of your treatment. I pray for that.

As far as photos - do you have a card reader? They are under $20. You insert your memory card from your camera into the reader - then plug it into your computer and it should download your photos.

Email me if you have questions.

xoxo
Claudia

Prissy said...

Jan, I wish there were something I could do to make all of this just go away. I'm praying that all goes well in Minnesota. Hugs to you.

Eileen said...

Prayers and hugs coming your way! I hope that this will at least bring some answers and a definite plan to you. I wish there was more that we could do for you.

Julia said...

Prayers for you and for your doctors that they will know how to help you. Prayers that you can be at peace with whatever outcome you have. I wish I was there to give you a real hug, but since I'm not here's a cyber hug {{}}

Laurie said...

I'm thankful we know that there is now a new possibility for restored sight.

Cold isn't as bad as you might think. Dress in warm layers and wear a fashionable, but warm hat. Order some thinslate mittens.

You are in my prayers. I'm so glad you lean on God.

Michelle May said...

Hi there sweet lady. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to continue to send you light and happy wishes that your eyes will be healed. I can't help it, I'm a person that believes in miracles and amazing things. I think the Mayo clinic is a fabulous thing and is coming to you for a reason. Sometimes all we need is a small step to the positive to help restore hope. Hang in there dear one. Expect the best, focus on it, believe in it. See yourself with perfect vision again. I believe it will happen for you.
(ok...so totally weird, but my word verification is imend) :)
Hugs and happiest of wishes and light.
shell

Cynthia Gilbreth said...

Dear Jan,
My heart goes out to you, and I will pray for you as well, for you to have the strength to accept whatever God dishes out.

God bless.

Brynwood Needleworks said...

Hi Jan:
This is my third try at writing something to you this evening. Let's just leave it at letting you know that you're always in my thoughts and prayers. MN in winter is beautiful, but cold. However, it will be worth every second if it heals you, my friend.
xoxo
Donna

Lois said...

Jan, please know that you are in our prayers. You are so faithful to keep up to date with our blog and our situation...just know that I am right there with you too! If "things" at Mayo don't work out...have your doctor check to see if there is anything at NIH!!!!! We can't sing their praises enough...just another possible option.

Sending lots of hugs!

Ellie Inspired said...

Jan, I will continue to lift you up in prayer as you go to Minnesota. The doctors there are amazing and I pray they will have the wisdom they need as they meet with you. Your blog and your life are such a blessing to others.
Laura

Sara said...

I will continue to pray for you friend. I hope the trip to Mayo proves to be very successful.
Hugs
Sara

Sew Gracious said...

Continued prayers for you, dearest Jan.

Chris V. said...

Dear Jan, Mayo is a good place to try and, while I know it will still seem very cold to you, we are actually having a rather warm and sunny November--so far! Please know that I am not too far from Rochester and if you need anything, and I mean anything at all, I want you to give me a call and I will be there ASAP!! You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. God is with you always! Love, Chris

Mary Margaret Scott said...

I am sorry I am just reading this post this morning. You have been in my prayers and will remain in my prayers. Hopefully the trip to Rochester will give you some answers. When are you planning on going? I was thinking about coming to Dallas the weekend before Thanksgiving. If you are in town, we would love to see you. Love you.

Rettabug said...

*mega sigh* I feel so helpless, Jan, when I read what you are dealing with daily. Go ahead & kick & scream & cry & slam those doors if it helps you cope.

I pray the doctors at Mayo will have the wisdom & talents to relieve you of this burden. With your permission, I would like to share your story with my sister's prayer group. They are an awesome group of prayer warriors who will storm Heaven's gate on your behalf.
They are a comforting & powerful force & I've seen them in action.

Now excuse me but I need a tissue to wipe away my tears. Life is so unfair at times.

Simple Southern Happiness said...

With the lords help in guiding these dr's and much prayer answers will come. I am sure there are new and exciting medical breakthroughs. I am retired from Ophthalmology since 1995, Once your situation with the eye is stable, have they mentioned trying prisms either press-on for your glasses or have them optically ground into a corrective lens for your glasses? Prisms can help correct the double vision. I know patching the strong eye so the weaker muscles can strengthen can also help.

Being a believer in Christ I know the power of God's grace and finally feeling it.. I am still going through my trial for over 2-1/2 years now and another surgery coming up next month. We all go through hard difficult times and wonder why? The only thing I can say is this is when we will feel God's awesome love for us. When things are going fine we would never know such love. Its a challenge and there are days I do still cry or want to kick the wall or ram my walker into it but I will sit and grab the bible. Its the act of opening it up and reading, takes the hurt away. In my trial I am not able to get to my sewing machine and that was where my heart was. He will open doors to where you thought its hopeless. For over 2 years I had people praying for my healing only to get kicked back deeper. I finally started asking them to pray for what God wanted me to learn from this ordeal and I turned my life with no reservations. I have been a believer all my life but always held something back. When you clear your mind of all of what you want for your life and ask God what he wants instead. That is where the peace comes and the answers. Took some time to get that into my thick skull.. He IS and will restore your soul. How else could Paul in the bible keep living for the lord like he did. God has a plan for our lives at any age, I could not believe at over 50 years of age as a believer I am still learning of God's awesome power and that he could use me for his glory.

I know how much sewing means to you, its okay to kick, scream, cry and YELL!!!! We are still of human nature. I too LOVED sewing but can no longer do that at least for now, but he is guiding my path and he is walking with me.

My prayer is for you to be at peace and find that awesome grace the lord will give you. And some awesome chocolate does not hurt either.

Keeping you in my prayers.

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